The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B+ As much as I love fantasy movies, I don’t know much about Dungeons & Dragons. I’ve seen the awful movie from 2000 and its two sequels (which also aren’t particularly good, but fun in a Saturday afternoon television, Hercules and Xena kind of way), but I’ve never played the board […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- It takes either massive balls or a lot of stupidity or both to make a $90 million arthouse film and that is basically what director Robert Eggers has done with The Northman. Considering that few such productions exist nowadays that aren’t based on a comic book, I at least have […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- Welcome back to the wizarding world of who-gives-a-shit as Warner Bros. continues to bleed this franchise to the very last drop. New ideas be damned, Fantastic Beasts was originally going to be a one-off prequel to the Harry Potter series, but was then stretched into being a trilogy before finally […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D- Oh, January. What cinematic treasure you bring me every year. It’s not uncommon for a film to have a troubled path to the screen, either getting stuck in a prolonged development or production phase or even being completed and stuck on a shelf for awhile before finally being released. […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- As a fan of martial arts movies from the 70s and 80s, I was looking forward to Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings in hopes that it would infuse some new flavor into the Marvel formula. While there are some kickass moments in early fight scenes and some […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C+ I have a soft spot for Chinese fantasy films. While I often have no fucking clue what’s happening in terms of plot, Chinese movies are rarely boring and A Writer’s Odyssey is a solid example. Does it make sense? Hell no. Do bizarre plot elements appear and disappear without explanation? Hell […]
January is typically a dumping ground for movies that studios have little faith in and there is always a shitty horror movie in that mix. “January horror movie” is actually a term and it means the same as “shitty horror movie.” Well, it’s only the first week of February and Gretel & Hansel is […]
Have you ever watched Creature from the Black Lagoon and thought that it should be more pretentious and artsy? Well, here is The Shape of Water. Also, fuck you. Sally Hawkins stars as Elisa, a cleaning lady at a government facility in the early 1960s. The latest arrival at the facility is a […]
I’ve never been this confused by a movie in which nothing happens. Before I get any shit from Harry Potter fans, I want to preface this by saying that I don’t dislike Harry Potter. No, I haven’t read the books. But I have seen all of the movies and think that, overall, they […]
I was looking forward to seeing The Great Wall. There, I said it. Many people have mocked the ridiculous concept of this film, but they need to remove the sticks from their asses. I’m a big fan of the b-movie creature features of the 50s and 60s, so the story of Matt Damon fighting […]