Have you ever watched Creature from the Black Lagoon and thought that it should be more pretentious and artsy? Well, here is The Shape of Water. Also, fuck you.
Sally Hawkins stars as Elisa, a cleaning lady at a government facility in the early 1960s. The latest arrival at the facility is a gill man creature that the government captured somewhere and is now under the watch of a military official named Strickland (played by Michael Shannon). For reasons that I don’t quite understand, the creature is of very high importance to the military and the Soviets are trying to infiltrate the facility to get a look at it. The creature does have healing powers, for some reason, but the neither country know that, so why this thing is being treated as the biggest military secret since the a-bomb is beyond me. Anyway, Elisa falls in love with the creature, a relationship that seems based largely on the fact that the creature likes eggs, and begins to plot to break it out of the facility.
Let’s get straight to the point: fish sex. Lots of fish sex. This is basically a variation on Beauty and the Beast, but this version actually allows you to see Belle fucking the beast. I knew the basic concept of this film going into it, but I wasn’t quite expecting them to just go all out with it. There are several scenes of full-frontal nudity and fish fucking and another scene in which they explain the mechanics of fish sex, just to make sure the audience understands. If you are wondering if this seems less ridiculous in the context of the film, I assure you that it does not. This entire relationship is baseless and fucking absurd, an issue that is compounded by the surprisingly graphic and persistent depiction of it.
Aside from every character behaving in fucking ridiculous ways, holy shit is this pretentious. Yes, its an artsy movie and I knew that going in. But there was a point, amidst the French music and bullshit about the beauty of unusual relationships (that’s code for fish fucking in this universe), that I actually wondered if this was a satire. It isn’t. When it breaks into a black-and-white song and dance number with the creature, it isn’t a joke. It isn’t self-aware of how it looks like a student film from some NYU grad student that is grinning under his fedora at just how fucking smart he thinks he is. And I just sat there sadly glancing at my watch and dying a bit inside.
There are positives. I think that Guillermo del Toro is the most overrated director in Hollywood, but the man can shoot a film. The staging and lighting are exceptional and it’s a very nice-looking film. The design of the gill man is also excellent, though a bit too colorful for my taste, though I wish it was killing people instead of fucking a cleaning lady. The performances are also excellent, particularly Michael Shannon. I really like that guy as an actor, though I wish I didn’t hate most of his movies. Sally Hawkins does an admirable job with the ridiculous character that she is playing.
I recommend this if you have ever gazed longingly at a fish bowl and wondered if the fish maybe, just maybe, wants to fuck you. I understand what this movie is going for. I really do. But when your concept is this ridiculous, you need to show some visual restraint in order for it to work. Or maybe have some actual fun with the concept rather than playing it straight in an attempt to build a shrine to pretentious cinema. But if that’s your kind of thing, then put on a beret, play some obscure jazz record on vinyl for background noise and marvel at just how fucking artistic this movie thinks that it is.
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*Please note that The Film Nurse disagrees with the Doctor. She found the film charming and sweet. She also thought he was too dramatic about the romance aspect.
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Image By: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shape_of_Water#/media/File:The_Shape_of_Water_(film).png
