I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
For the first hour and 45 minutes of this movie, I planned to start this review by ranting about how Hereditary isn’t a horror film. And for that entire time, it isn’t a horror film. It’s a straight drama without any horror in sight. Then, lo and behold, it rather abruptly turns into a […]
I’ve never been this confused by a movie in which nothing happens. Before I get any shit from Harry Potter fans, I want to preface this by saying that I don’t dislike Harry Potter. No, I haven’t read the books. But I have seen all of the movies and think that, overall, they […]
I’m starting to feel old when I watch big-budget movies like this. There is always a point, usually about an hour into the film, when I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t mean that in a general, snarky way. I mean that I completely forget who the characters are and what they are doing. […]
I had a bad feeling about this. I love Star Wars and Han Solo is my favorite character, but I had little interest in a prequel movie about him. Solo is also the latest example in a disturbing Hollywood trend of big movies that are essentially made twice. Original directors Phil Lord and Chris […]
I was the only person in the theater for this movie. Since I started going to the movies every week in August 2014, this is only the third time that that’s happened (the other two such cases being Tusk and The Disappointments Room). I only first heard of this film last week when I […]
Alright, ladies, let’s just get this out of the way. You’re right. I’ve seen the memes and read the comments and I’m secure enough to admit it: Amber Heard is really fucking hot in this movie. Now, let’s move on to discussing the actual film, you sex-obsessed maniacs. Anyway, I’m still somewhat amazed […]
Upgrade is the offspring of a lot of other movies. It’s primarily a cross between Death Wish and Robocop, but there are elements (either in terms of plot or aesthetics) of Blade Runner, 2001 and Ex Machina. With those kinds of influences, its also a movie that I wanted to like more than I […]
As the old saying goes, you can’t be everything to everyone. Venom was seemingly made to prove this point. This movie is a goddamn mess that tries to throw in something for every conceivable audience and, as a result, it won’t satisfy anybody. Comic fans will be annoyed by the butchering of the source […]
The phrase “so bad it’s good” has become overused and I try to avoid it, but it absolutely applies in this case. Wish Upon is comedic gold. That is somewhat problematic because it’s a horror film, but this thing is just too damn funny. I went into this expecting to hate it because of […]
A Cure for Wellness is Gore Verbinski’s first horror film since The Ring in 2002, and he was apparently so excited by the opportunity that he filmed nearly two horror movies’ worth of material. This movie is long. It is way, way too damn long. This would have been great as a 30-minute episode […]