I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
Yes, this will be spoiler-free. I generally avoid reading reviews of a film before I have seen it myself and written my own review. The most that I will do, when I’m particularly curious, is scroll through the blurbs on Rotten Tomatoes when I’m having my pre-movie burger and beer. But, this being Star […]
I was looking forward to seeing The Great Wall. There, I said it. Many people have mocked the ridiculous concept of this film, but they need to remove the sticks from their asses. I’m a big fan of the b-movie creature features of the 50s and 60s, so the story of Matt Damon fighting […]
The Founder is the story of an empire built through ingenuity, cunning and old-fashioned douchebaggery. Michael Keaton stars as Ray Kroc, a struggling milkshake machine salesman that stumbles upon a small roadside burger joint called McDonald’s and envisions the future of the restaurant business. After convincing the McDonald brothers to allow him to franchise […]
I don’t even know what this movie is. I expected it to be a thriller based on the trailers, but that isn’t really accurate. There isn’t any suspense or a central conflict or really even a villain. It doesn’t have enough of a perspective to be a satire. I guess it’s a drama, though it […]
Annabelle is the prequel to The Conjuring that explains the origin of the evil doll. Annabelle: Creation is the prequel to Annabelle that explains the origin of the evil doll. So right off the bat, this thing just exudes necessity. I have been searching through the encyclopedia of film knowledge in my head and […]
I’ve been looking forward to The Belko Experiment for awhile. The trailers promised some great actors in an absurd plot (summarized in the trailer quite nicely as “Battle Royale meets Office Space”) that looked like the kind of violent exploitation flick that rarely makes it to theaters anymore. In other words, it looked right […]
As a connoisseur of cinematic trainwrecks, I have really been looking forward to this film. For the uninitiated, The Disaster Artist is the true story of the making of one of the most notoriously awful movies ever made: The Room. I fucking love The Room. I have probably watched it more than a dozen […]
The Dark Tower is Stephen King’s magnum opus, an eight-volume sprawling epic that spans thousands of pages, connects in some way with most of his other novels and makes The Lord of the Rings look like a short story. It is also a very complex story that crosses into multiple worlds, timelines and perspectives […]
I have never been a big fan of M. Night Shyamalan, but I was pleasantly surprised by his last film, The Visit. That movie was a batshit crazy blend of horror and comedy, the tone of which I liken to a lost episode of Tales from the Crypt stretched out to feature length (I […]
This is going to be a long one, folks, because I’m not happy. Following his excellent appearance in Captain America: Civil War, the cleverly titled Spiderman: Homecoming is the web-slinger’s true introduction into the Marvel Universe where he belongs. For those that don’t follow movie industry shenanigans, there is a reason why this took […]