I’ve always been obsessed with the horror genre, but I have a particularly fond place in my heart for the slashers of the 70s and 80s. I grew up watching Michael Myers, Freddy, Jason, Chucky, Pinhead and Leatherface, and seeing them again on the big screen is strangely like seeing an old friend. I’m not saying that I’m right in the head, but I’m trying to explain that these characters are like comfort food for me. I’ve seen them all a million times. I know the Halloween movies better than a virgin knows their hand. Consequently, the new Halloween is possibly my most anticipated film of the year. There has not been a good Halloween movie, or even a decent one, in over 20 years, but I still can’t help looking forward to seeing Michael again. And after seeing it, at least I’m not angry. I’m a bit disappointed considering the hype, but this a good, middle of the road Halloween movie. It isn’t one of the best, but it’s easily the best one in over 20 years.
Kids, it’s time for us to talk to about Halloween continuity. You can skip down if you just want to know about the new movie, but I feel I must put this movie in the context of the sheer dumbfuckery that this series has thrown at us for the last 40 years. The first two films tell the simple story of Michael stalking Laurie Strode on Halloween night in 1978 and ended with Michael “dying” in an explosion. It must be noted that Laurie is not Michael’s sister in the original film; that plot point isn’t introduced until Halloween 2. Write that down because it becomes important later on. Halloween 3 has nothing to do with the rest of the series. I love that movie, but I’ll leave out the explanation for its existence.
Michael returned on Halloween night in 1988 in Halloween 4. Here we are told that Laurie died in a car accident and Michael is now after her daughter, Jamie. Let’s call this the “Laurie Died Universe.” Jamie becomes evil at the end of Halloween 4, seemingly becoming the new Michael, but that cliffhanger is dropped in Halloween 5, so moving on. Halloween 5 and Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (or Halloween: The Origin of Michael Myers, according to the trailer) went off the fucking rails and explained that Michael is actually some kind of hitman for a druid cult. Also, Michael raped his niece and had a son, thus eternally leaving me to cope with the notion of Michael Myers having sex. Halloween 6 has two very different versions (the theatrical cut and the producer’s cut), but both end with cliffhangers. But fuck that because…..
Halloween:H20 was released in 1998 and here we get the first split in the timeline. This movie tells us that Laurie did not die, but went into witness protection and is now in California. Also, Jamie never existed. This ignores the existence of all films following Halloween 2, which we know because Laurie is still Michael’s sister (I told you that was important). Let’s call this the “Laurie Lived Universe, Version 1.” Given that Halloween 4-6 no longer exist in this universe, we are left to wonder what Michael has been doing for the last 20 years (I like to think that he opened a bakery). This is followed by Halloween: Resurrection, in which Laurie again dies along with the series’ dignity.
Then comes Rob Zombie’s remake and sequel, the new Halloween (in 2008) and Halloween 2. I’ll call this the “Redneck Universe” because Rob Zombie can’t write a character that isn’t white trash human garbage. Here we find out that Michael is evil because he grew up in an episode of Cops, is obsessed with white horses and kinda seems to want to fuck his mom. Much like Halloween 6, Zombie’s Halloween 2 also exists in two vastly different versions. But both of them fucking suck.
And now we come to the present day Halloween, the third film to simply be titled Halloween because that’s not fucking confusing at all. This movie ignores all other films after the original. Unlike H20, this movie even ignores the original Halloween 2, which means that Laurie is not Michael’s sister anymore. Let’s call this “Laurie Lived Universe, Version 2.” In this universe, Laurie was traumatized by the events of the first film and became obsessed with the idea that Michael would return for her one day. So, she became an armed-to-the-teeth survivalist with a drinking problem. Of course, Michael does finally escape and hauls ass to finish what he started 40 years ago.
What works about this movie is that it is a return to basics. In particular, Michael Myers is the scariest that he’s been in a very long time. He is stripped of all motivations that were introduced in other sequels and is simply an evil force of nature. He doesn’t want to kill you because you’re his relative or because some cult wants him to do it. He wants to kill you because you’re in front of him and shit out of luck. It returns to the randomness of the character that was lost after the original film and makes him scary again. The best scenes here are of him walking around and killing anyone that just happens to be in his path. It’s a return to the simplicity that made the first film work and, to an extent, it also works here.
But the return to basics is also a problem. I think that this movie will work better for people that are only somewhat familiar with the series. As a standalone film, it is well shot, has creepy moments and has several solid kill scenes. However, for somebody like me, I’ve just seen all of this before. And not even just once. The idea of Michael going after Laurie has been done so many goddamn times now that it just doesn’t resonate with me anymore. This movie is really a far superior version of Halloween:H20, but the problem is that Halloween:H20 still exists even if the movie doesn’t acknowledge it. I’ve seen the buildup to Michael and Laurie finally seeing each other again. Sure, H20 sucks, but it still had that moment. I just can’t be excited about it again. At this point, Laurie has died and come back nearly as many times as Michael (not even counting the Zombie ones) and I just want the series to move on. The plot of Halloween 4-6 became as mad as a fucking hatter, but at least it was going somewhere. This series needs to movie past the Laurie vs. Michael plot, even if it’s done well.
Even though I’ve grown tired of the character, Jamie Lee Curtis is excellent and makes the character much more believable and sympathetic than in H20. The new characters, not so much. Laurie’s daughter and granddaughter are fairly uninteresting and, at the end of the day, feel fairly inconsequential (particularly since this is the third different time that Laurie has had kids in this series). There is a Dr. Loomis replacement that is just baffling. I can’t get into his story without spoilers, but holy fuck was this guy an unnecessary and convoluted addition to the plot. Also, I hate to rag on child actors, but there is a little kid in this movie that needs to just go away. He is irritating comic relief and actually ruins what could have been a good scare by yelling “oh shit!” Fuck off, kid, and take your weird Dr. Loomis ripoff with you.
So, this is fine. If you aren’t that familiar with the series, you will probably like it if you like slasher movies or just want something to watch for the season. If you love the series like me, then you will really want to love this but will feel an increasing wave of deja-vu. It’s well-made, it has scary moments and has some great easter eggs for hardcore fans (my favorite being the appearance of the Halloween 3 masks). But I ultimately just want to see this series go somewhere new. It’s a good starting point for relaunching the series and I’m excited for future sequels, but for fuck’s sake, stop redoing the same plot. And I’m still waiting for a true sequel to Halloween 6. The thorn cult may have been fucking stupid, but I need closure, goddamn it.
Image By: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween_(2018_film)#/media/File:Halloween_(2018)_poster.jpg
