A Cure for Wellness is Gore Verbinski’s first horror film since The Ring in 2002, and he was apparently so excited by the opportunity that he filmed nearly two horror movies’ worth of material. This movie is long. It is way, way too damn long. This would have been great as a 30-minute episode […]
The original Alien is one of the greatest horror films ever made. Aliens is one of the best sequels ever made. Then they made more movies that ranged from awful to merely forgettable. Alien: Covenant falls into the merely forgettable category. It is not an awful movie. But considering that the idea of Ridley […]
The original Blade Runner is one of the greatest science fiction films ever made. It is a brilliant blend of sci-fi and noir with a style that has been copied countless times since the film was released in 1982. Creating a sequel to it is a monumental task and, frankly, I didn’t have high […]
It’s January and that means it’s time for an awful horror movie. This year’s incarnation of that oddly persistent tradition comes in the form of The Bye Bye Man, a film so nonsensical that even its own writers don’t seem to understand how its villain works. The Bye Bye Man is basically a […]
The Mummy is fucking awful and it pisses me off on several levels. This is the worst kind of cynical, corporate horseshit. I love the old Universal monster movies. Mummies are my favorite variety of classic monsters. Yummy Mummy was even my favorite of the monster cereals. But I can’t for the life of […]
Yes, this will be spoiler-free. I generally avoid reading reviews of a film before I have seen it myself and written my own review. The most that I will do, when I’m particularly curious, is scroll through the blurbs on Rotten Tomatoes when I’m having my pre-movie burger and beer. But, this being Star […]
I was looking forward to seeing The Great Wall. There, I said it. Many people have mocked the ridiculous concept of this film, but they need to remove the sticks from their asses. I’m a big fan of the b-movie creature features of the 50s and 60s, so the story of Matt Damon fighting […]
The Founder is the story of an empire built through ingenuity, cunning and old-fashioned douchebaggery. Michael Keaton stars as Ray Kroc, a struggling milkshake machine salesman that stumbles upon a small roadside burger joint called McDonald’s and envisions the future of the restaurant business. After convincing the McDonald brothers to allow him to franchise […]
I don’t even know what this movie is. I expected it to be a thriller based on the trailers, but that isn’t really accurate. There isn’t any suspense or a central conflict or really even a villain. It doesn’t have enough of a perspective to be a satire. I guess it’s a drama, though it […]
Annabelle is the prequel to The Conjuring that explains the origin of the evil doll. Annabelle: Creation is the prequel to Annabelle that explains the origin of the evil doll. So right off the bat, this thing just exudes necessity. I have been searching through the encyclopedia of film knowledge in my head and […]