Categories
2017 Horror Supernatural

Annabelle: Creation

               Annabelle is the prequel to The Conjuring that explains the origin of the evil doll. Annabelle: Creation is the prequel to Annabelle that explains the origin of the evil doll. So right off the bat, this thing just exudes necessity. I have been searching through the encyclopedia of film knowledge in my head and […]

Categories
2017 Horror Thriller

The Belko Experiment

               I’ve been looking forward to The Belko Experiment for awhile. The trailers promised some great actors in an absurd plot (summarized in the trailer quite nicely as “Battle Royale meets Office Space”) that looked like the kind of violent exploitation flick that rarely makes it to theaters anymore. In other words, it looked right […]

Categories
2017 Best of Comedy Drama

The Disaster Artist

               As a connoisseur of cinematic trainwrecks, I have really been looking forward to this film. For the uninitiated, The Disaster Artist is the true story of the making of one of the most notoriously awful movies ever made: The Room. I fucking love The Room. I have probably watched it more than a dozen […]

Categories
2017 Fantasy Science Fiction

The Dark Tower

               The Dark Tower is Stephen King’s magnum opus, an eight-volume sprawling epic that spans thousands of pages, connects in some way with most of his other novels and makes The Lord of the Rings look like a short story. It is also a very complex story that crosses into multiple worlds, timelines and perspectives […]

Categories
2017 Thriller

Split

              I have never been a big fan of M. Night Shyamalan, but I was pleasantly surprised by his last film, The Visit. That movie was a batshit crazy blend of horror and comedy, the tone of which I liken to a lost episode of Tales from the Crypt stretched out to feature length (I […]

Categories
2017 Superhero

Spider-Man: Homecoming

              This is going to be a long one, folks, because I’m not happy.               Following his excellent appearance in Captain America: Civil War, the cleverly titled Spiderman: Homecoming is the web-slinger’s true introduction into the Marvel Universe where he belongs. For those that don’t follow movie industry shenanigans, there is a reason why this took […]

Categories
2017 Fantasy

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

               I seem to be in the minority with this series because I don’t hate any of the previous installments. Sure, the first one is easily the best. Yeah, they are all too long and the fourth one felt forced and unnecessary. But none of the previous sequels particularly bothered me; they are just harmless […]

Categories
2017 Superhero

Power Rangers

               I honestly can’t believe that I’m saying this, but Power Rangers is pretty good. I was fully prepared to hate this film. I had pre-planned a bunch of jokes for this review and now I can’t use a goddamned one of them. I hated the trailers for this, as they did the film a […]

Categories
2017 Action Science Fiction

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

               So these things are still being made. The sixth film in the series adapting the classic video game franchise, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter has us again following our hero Alice (who isn’t in the games) as she returns to the Hive (which isn’t in the games) for a final battle with Dr. Isaacs […]

Categories
2017 Mystery Thriller

Murder on the Orient Express

               Murder on the Orient Express is, of course, an adaptation of the classic mystery novel by Agatha Christie. I haven’t read the book (though I have read some of Christie’s many other mystery novels), but I have seen the original 1974 film adaptation. Truth be told, while it is considered a classic, it was […]