Nomadland

The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D

              I knew that I was in trouble when Nomadland opened with the proclamation that it won the Golden Lion award for best film at the Venice Film Festival. For the unaware, the Venice Film Festival is a place for pretentious asshats to pretend to like boring movies in order to impress other pretentious asshats while they all eat vegan cheese and jerk each other off. With the incredibly odd exception of Joker, there is a good chance that you have never seen a Golden Lion winner and Nomadland is a perfect example of why that is. I don’t need to read reviews to know that terms like “life-affirming” and “powerful” are featured prominently in them, but the average person will be bored to freaking tears by this movie. I know that I was.

               Frances McDormand plays an unemployed widow that has decided to abandon normal life and live as a nomad in her van. She finds a community of people that live like this and the film is just a slice-of-life depiction of this lifestyle. I suppose that it’s possible to forsake the evils of corporations as long as you have your van from Chevy, your gasoline from BP, your food from Goya and seasonal work at Amazon, but I digress. This film is basically a piece of anti-cinema; there is no plot and no structure. It begins and ends at largely arbitrary points. It is like a scripted documentary that does not attempt to tell a story, but rather just showcase what it is like to live like this. The most dramatic point is when somebody accidentally breaks a plate, which was fucking riveting. I’ve also read that many of the nomads were not played by actors, but by actual nomads and it shows (I also don’t recall this being heralded as a bold artistic choice when The Howling 7 did it, but whatever). We get to see them change spare tires, have singalongs, build shelves….really engrossing stuff. They also line-dance, which further reminded me of The Howling 7….you know what? Nomadland is like The Howling 7 without the freaking werewolf. I bet that nobody at the Venice Film Festival mentioned that.

               I feel that it’s worth mentioning that, for reasons that elude me, I saw this in frigging IMAX. That’s like renting out Royal Albert Hall for your kid’s recorder performance of Mary Had a Little Lamb. It had its benefits, though. Sure, maybe you’ve seen Frances McDormand take a shit into a bucket. But have you seen Frances McDormand take a shit into a bucket in IMAX? Well, I fucking have.

               I don’t even have much to discuss here since there isn’t a story, so I’ll just give points to the one thing that prevented me from giving this an F grade. Frances McDormand is an amazing actress and this film really hammers home that point. With practically no script, she is the one element that kept me awake for the entirety of the movie. Her performance is incredibly sad and hopeful at the same time, bringing more sympathy to the character than is really deserved (did I mention that her character is given multiple offers from friends and family to move in with them, so she is homeless by choice? Because that didn’t help). On the other hand, I’m tired of giving movies bonus points for cinematography just because they are set in the middle of nowhere. The landscapes are great, I get it. I’m still bored.

               There is little else to say here. If you’re into super artsy films, alternative lifestyles and voluntary homelessness, there might be something here for you. If you are looking for entertainment value, keep on looking. One final note: literally right before I went to the theater to see this, I read that director Chloe Zhao is going to direct a new version of Dracula at Universal. Given my experience with Nomadland, I’m sure that will be a kickass, creepy horror flick and not just a pretentious awards grab. For the love of god, Chloe, prove my cynicism wrong for once.

Image By: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nomadland_(film)#/media/File:Nomadland_poster.jpeg