The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C+
Between Fatale and The Little Things, 2021 feels a lot like the 90s so far. In this case, I mean that both literally and figuratively. The Little Things is set in the 90s and that’s not an artistic choice; it was actually written in the 90s and the script has been bouncing around Hollywood ever since. In fact, it was originally intended as a project for Steven Spielberg, but he decided that it is too dark and depressing so he made Schindler’s List instead. Over the years, Clint Eastwood, Warren Beatty and Danny DeVito were attached as director at various points. With that much A-list talent floating around the script, and the A-list cast in the final film, one would think that The Little Things is a special film. One would be wrong. This is a ho-hum police procedural serial killer movie that is almost baffling in its mediocrity.
Denzel Washington and Rami Malek star in the Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt roles, respectively, from Seven. Washington is the seasoned, grizzled veteran detective that teams with Malek to track down a serial killer that reminds him of an unsolved case from earlier in his career. Eventually (and I emphasize eventually because this movie is way too goddamn long), they settle on a weirdo played by Jared Leto as their suspect. I suppose that this is a SPOILER, but the film’s one noteworthy element is the ambiguity of the downer ending. I was quite convinced that Leto was the killer, but The Film Nurse, who joined me on this one, pointed out that all of the evidence is circumstantial and we don’t really know for sure who the killer is. On one hand, that’s kind of unique. On the other hand, it also means that this is a very long movie without a resolution. On both hands, it’s not really interesting enough as a whole to matter. END SPOILER.
On the plus side, the performances are as strong as you would expect from the names involved. The most intriguing mystery of this film is how the producers managed to put this cast together. Washington could play this role in his sleep, but the man doesn’t phone it in and adds more weight to the proceedings than is even warranted. I spent much of the movie thinking that he was playing an older version of his character from the underrated Fallen, which just made me wish I was watching Fallen. Malek also seems to think that he is in a better movie as he plays an ambitious detective that is becoming obsessed with his work. I would love to see these two paired up in a better movie, because their chemistry and the dynamic between the characters works (despite being derivative of Seven and probably a dozen other movies). Leto is a creepy fuck, almost to a fault because it’s clear that this guy aint right in the head from literally the first second that you see him. Subtlety be damned, but Leto’s performance is unnerving and he is a great actor when he isn’t reimagining the Joker as a pimp. Never forgive, never forget what he did with the Joker.
The problem is that this is a mind-numbingly routine movie and goes on for way, way too fucking long. Even if they had updated the setting of the movie to the 2020s, it would be obvious that this was written in the 90s because there were about a million movies just like this in the wake of The Silence of the Lambs. I could have easily seen this in 1996, thought “meh” and then gone back to drinking Surge and playing Mario Kart. Seven is the most obvious comparison because of the characters involved, but this is Seven stripped of everything that made that movie so memorable. There are no disturbing kills or setups (in fact, none of the kills are shown on screen), no surprising twists, no interesting detective work, nothing. If anything, the plot and supposed detective work depend entirely on either circumstance or just complete nonsense. If Leto is the killer, he would never be convicted since I’m pretty sure that cops aren’t allowed to break into a house without a warrant just to collect circumstantial evidence. I’m also not a forensic detective, but I’m pretty sure that cops shouldn’t spit out their gum at a crime scene. These guys really just aren’t very good at their jobs.
The other problem is the length. The Little Things could be passable as a 90-minute thriller, but this thing is over two freaking hours long. Leto doesn’t even show up until around halfway through the movie, there are entire subplots that add nothing to the film and the backstory for Washington’s character is needlessly complicated and is told through unnecessary flashback scenes periodically throughout the movie. The biggest issue, though, is the ending. This movie goes on for about 20 minutes beyond the point that I thought it was over. I was literally grabbing my coat to leave and then the film continues into an agonizingly long epilogue that felt like some weird movie purgatory. Not since the one ring was thrown into Mount Doom has a film continued this far beyond its actual ending. The editor of this movie hung up a Gone Drinkin’ sign in his office and is still missing to this day. I’m worried about him.
I just looked at my word count and I’m shocked that I managed to say this much about such a mediocre, forgettable movie. If you liked this kind of movie in the 90s, then this could be an acceptable way to kill a couple of (very long) hours. But there is just nothing notable here beyond the cast. This certainly isn’t Seven or The Silence of the Lambs, but is more akin to something like Kiss the Girls. I know that I saw Kiss the Girls, I know that it starred Morgan Freeman and I remember nothing else about it. The Little Things seems destined for a similar legacy.
Image By: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Things_(2021_film)#/media/File:The_Little_Things_poster.jpeg
