The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D+
I’ve been putting off writing this review because, contrary to popular belief, I don’t like being “that guy.” I don’t like being that one guy that trashes something that everyone else loves. I’ve spent the last five days reading the almost universally positive reviews for Dune: Part Two and trying to convince myself that I liked this movie more than I did. I tried to come up with a reason, any reason, to elevate this movie into at least the C-range as far as a grade. And, I’m sorry folks, I just couldn’t do it. Dune: Part Two is cinematic valium.
The overall plot of Dune is a generic savior narrative, specifically feeling like a sci-fi version of Lawrence of Arabia because of the desert setting. Following the events of the first film, Paul Atreides (played again by Timothée Chalamet) and his mother Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson) are with the Fremen, the oppressed desert people. Meanwhile, the evil Baron and Emperor plot to attack the Fremen and take control of spice production, the desert planet’s primary resource and the most important substance in the universe. The Fremen have a prophecy that they will have an outsider arrive as a savior, so they all debate whether Paul is that savior and, yada yada yada, eventually later accept Paul as the prophesized savior.
I know that a lot more happens here and there is a lot of background information and political machinations going on, but it just boils down to a resistance led by a savior vs. a big empire. You can substitute Paul with Luke Skywalker or Lawrence of Arabia or a hundred other characters (or Jesus, if you want to go down that road) and you know that you have seen this story before and know how its going to go. Despite the multitude of characters and terms and weird names that would require an annotated index to remember, the fundamental core of the story is incredibly cliché. Furthermore, the damn thing doesn’t even have the decency to end. I’ve never read the book and I know that it has many sequels, but I was under the impression that Dune: Part Two would be the second half of a story. It isn’t. It’s 2 hours and 46 minutes of formulaic buildup to a payoff that we never receive. I guess I need to wait for Dune: Part Three, which will presumably be three hours long and still not have an ending.
Formulaic movies can still be entertaining, though. As mentioned, Star Wars (meaning the original trilogy) is another version of this story. But Star Wars was fun while Dune: Part Two seems to make a point of not being fun. The production is epic in size, but visually sterilized. Is there a single surface in this universe that isn’t brown, grey, or black? The whole thing is so drab and depressing to look at that the massive landscapes didn’t evoke any response from me other than yawns. Lawrence of Arabia is again a suitable comparison and, while that also isn’t the most exciting film ever made, the enormous widescreen shots of the desert were masterfully done in terms of color and shot composition. Here, it is just a big shot of an unappealing grey world. David Lynch’s Dune has a lot of narrative problems since it condenses the entire story into one movie (essentially the opposite narrative problem of these movies), but it is interesting to look at. The character designs, makeup effects and production design are all bizarre and colorful, creating a visual palette that makes me wish that Lynch had more freedom with the material. In comparison, these Dune films give me the material, but the material isn’t nearly as interesting. It’s like comparing a 1980s McDonald’s vs. a modern McDonald’s; one looks like a funhouse, the other looks like an open-floor office.
The cast of this movie is absolutely bonkers. Beyond Chalamet and Ferguson, this is a full roster of A-listers including Zendaya, Christopher Walken, Josh Brolin, Florence Pugh, Stellan Skarsgård, Javier Bardem and a half dozen other legitimate headliners. However, they are all acting like they were put on a strict diet of Xanax and vodka and not allowed to sleep for the duration of the shoot. Every performance in this is so dry that I just wish someone would emote or do something quirky or just prove to me that they have a fucking pulse. I also have a hard time with Chalamet as the lead. He’s a talented actor, but he just looks too young to have the necessary gravitas for a part like this. In order for me to take a tough guy character seriously, he at least needs to look like he’s old enough to shave.
I’m a big fan of director Denis Villeneuve’s films Sicario and Arrival, but he lost me once he moved into epic-scale science fiction. Dune, Blade Runner 2049 and now Dune: Part Two have all bored me to tears. This film is made by very talented people with a clear love of the material and it stars a venerable who’s-who of modern Hollywood, but it just didn’t work for me despite my efforts to convince myself otherwise. I seem to be the only person that doesn’t love it, though, so check it out for yourself.
Image by: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dune%3A_Part_Two#/media/File:Dune_Part_Two_poster.jpeg
