The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D- Let me start with a bit of a disclaimer: There are plenty of reviews of Candyman that will tell you how brave or relevant or powerful the film is, or how the film is any number of other adjectives that used to actually mean something but now just vaguely denote […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F I saw this movie yesterday and my initial reaction was that it was in the D-D+ range. I expected it to be awful and it was, but I wasn’t surprised by the awfulness and, consequently, it didn’t particularly piss me off. After a day of reflection, that doesn’t make any sense. […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F Prior to seeing Separation, I thought I would open this with snarky comments about how terrible that title is for a horror film. I thought people would start watching it thinking that it was a drama about foster children or something, then be surprised that it is a horror flick about […]
It was slim pickings at the theater this week, leaving me choosing between Kajillionaire and a documentary about BTS. In retrospect, I made a poor choice and may been closer to the target audience for a movie about Korean pop music than this pile of pretentious nonsense. Writer/director Miranda July is a darling of […]
This is just a goddamn mess. The Turning is a new adaptation of Henry James’ 1898 novel The Turn of the Screw, which was already adapted as the 1961 film The Innocents. The Innocents is often cited as one of the best haunted house movies ever made, alongside films like The Haunting and The […]
Come Play would be good as your kid’s first horror movie, especially if your kid happens to be a complete pussy. Gore? None. Bodycount? Zero. Creepy atmosphere? Fuck off with that. Cheap jump scares that can be seen coming from a mile away? Oh, you betcha. But if you are terrified of lights turning […]
Look, I’m not proud of this. Yes, I went to see a romantic comedy. Yes, I went by myself. It was just me and one couple in that theater and they seemed very annoyed that I was there. But until more movies start being released, this is all that I was left with. Even […]
Around this time last year, I labelled Suspiria as the worst horror remake ever made. I didn’t intend that as some sort of challenge, but apparently that’s how the makers of Black Christmas interpreted it. This is the closest that I have ever come to walking out on a movie. Black Christmas is a […]
This movie didn’t hold my attention in a captive state. Yeah, that’s the best that I’ve got. I watched several people walk out on this movie, making this already the second time this year that I’ve seen that happen (the other being Greta). A friend of mine came with me to see it […]
Considering that I hate the Charlie’s Angels movies from the early 2000s, I had a pretty low bar for this new version. The makers of the latest Charlie’s Angels not only lowered that bar, they then took the bar, wrapped it in the most trite of feminist clichés and beat me over the fucking […]