The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F
Prior to seeing Separation, I thought I would open this with snarky comments about how terrible that title is for a horror film. I thought people would start watching it thinking that it was a drama about foster children or something, then be surprised that it is a horror flick about a ghost clown (based on the trailer). As it turns out, the title is fine because this really is more of a family drama than a horror film. In fact, it’s a shitty family drama that is barely a horror film at all. In short, this manages to be atrocious at two completely different things simultaneously in a masterstroke of awful filmmaking.
I usually don’t dwell on plot, but I need to do so here to articulate just how fucking asinine and poorly-constructed this pile of nonsense is. So, in other words, consider this a spoiler alert for the rest of the review. Jeff and Maggie are a couple on the verge of divorce because she is a wealthy, raging cunt and he is an unemployed loser artist that is still upset that he screwed up his big-break a few years prior. They are fighting over custody of their daughter, Jenny, who both Maggie and her father (played by Brian Cox, who deserves better than this) want to take away from her father in the breakup. They also have a babysitter/housekeeper named Samantha. Maggie is killed in a hit-and-run and then Jeff’s house begins being haunted in the most uninspired way imaginable.
We first need to address the central mystery of the film: Maggie’s death. I use the word “mystery” loosely here because I feel personally insulted that this is treated as such. Her death clearly isn’t an accident because the car goes right at her and never slows down. It takes the characters over an hour to figure this out. As for the driver, well, here is the thing: When one character is killed, there are only four other main characters and three of the four are accounted for, then you know what? The killer is obviously the fourth character. It’s Samantha. It’s painfully, agonizingly obvious that it’s Samantha. Other than the purely mathematical inevitability of that, based on the characters available, she clearly wants to be bent over a table by Jeff. Cannibal Corpse has lyrics that are more subtle and nuanced than the mystery in this script. The writers of Blues Clues would be appalled by the transparency of this horseshit.
As for the horror elements, the house is haunted after Maggie’s death. Jeff’s big comic book creation was a group of jester-like, carnival-themed creations and the ghost is taking this form. The ghost is doing the usual modern horror bullshit, mainly standing in dark corners and jumping toward the camera. Both inevitably and amazingly, the ghost is the mother, Maggie, trying to protect the family from crazy-ass Samantha. So, riddle me this, why the fuck is the mother taking the form of an evil clown and scaring the daughter? Why, in the name of holy fuck, would she do that? Wouldn’t she just stay in her own form and try to communicate with them, like Patrick Swayze in Ghost? It’s pretty common for modern horror movies to have very little actual horror, but this may be the first time that the mere fact that it’s a horror film is actually a plot hole. None of this makes any goddamn sense. Separation is really a supernatural family drama with horror elements that are included just for the sake of selling tickets, while simultaneously being an afront to everything that is logical and good in the world.
I was ready to go on another rant about PG-13 horror, but then shockingly discovered that this is R-rated. I checked the rating on several sites because I thought that had to be a typo. What the fuck is this rated R for? Other than somebody getting hit by a car, nobody even gets fucking hurt in this “horror” film. No sex, no nudity, no kills, no blood, literally nothing. This should be a PG movie. I am baffled by the modern ratings system, absolutely fucking baffled. Since the ghost has no intentions of hurting the family, all it does is ominously stand in corners and turn toward the screen. There is nothing, NOTHING, here in terms of horror. Even the few moments when the ghost seems to be threatening make no goddam sense because it makes no fucking sense for the mother to be trying to fucking frighten them.
I have to quickly mention dream sequences, because this could win some absurd award for most cop-out, “oh, it was just a dream” sequences. It even has a dream-within-a-dream for fuck’s sake and I haven’t seen that crap in years. The final scene is worth special mention, though, and yeah I’m spoiling the last scene because I hate this movie and I don’t care. The father has (one of his many) dream sequences and sees an evil, contortionist jester. Keep in mind, this is the father’s dream. This jester is not in the rest of the film and isn’t real. The final scene is this jester barging into the daughter’s room and jumping at the camera. How the fuck does that make any sense? He’s not even real and why would the daughter see it? Are filmmakers just contractually obligated to end horror movies on some shitty ghost jumping at the camera, logic be damned? What is this? What is any of this?
This movie is fucking garbage. The actors do their best and manage to walk away with some dignity, but this is one of the worst, most ill-conceived scripts to every spray shit across a movie screen. I’ve become accustomed to horror movies not being scary or entertaining, but I still insist on a movie having some semblance of logic. On that level, Separation isn’t just bad, it’s insulting.
Image By: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Separation_(2021_film)#/media/File:Separation_2021_Film_poster.png
