The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D My mother loves the original Jurassic Park and has come with me to see every movie in this series since that first film back in 1993 when I was nine years old. The moment that the end credits started to roll on Jurassic World: Dominion, she turned to me and […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B+ Top Gun: Maverick may be the best sequel I’ve ever seen to a movie that I don’t like. It may be heresy for somebody my age (born in the 80s) to say this, but I find the original Top Gun to be a plotless, meandering bore and I admittedly groaned with […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- It takes either massive balls or a lot of stupidity or both to make a $90 million arthouse film and that is basically what director Robert Eggers has done with The Northman. Considering that few such productions exist nowadays that aren’t based on a comic book, I at least have […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- Ambulance is a remake of the 2005 Danish film Ambulancen (I haven’t been able to find an English translation of the title). I haven’t seen the original movie because it’s frigging impossible to find in this country (seriously, somebody point me toward a copy if you can), but I do […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D I don’t normally read other reviews before writing my own, but I couldn’t help but notice the incredibly negative buzz on Morbius. To that buzz, I say the following: welcome to the party, everyone! I’ve been saying for the last couple years that most Marvel movies have become generic and […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C+ In many ways, The Lost City is a throwback. Perhaps most notably, it is a medium-budgeted film that isn’t based on an existing intellectual property. That alone put it in my good graces as I entered the theater. It is also a star-driven comedy, something that has become almost extinct […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- The Batman isn’t necessarily the Batman that I want or the Batman that I think we need right now, but I can’t deny that it has merit. I recently heard an interesting comment on one of my favorite podcasts (Best Movies Never Made, I listen to it on Stitcher) that […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C Uncharted, my ass. There isn’t a damn thing in this movie that hasn’t been done in a dozen other adventure films. The obvious comparison is the Indiana Jones franchise, but those films have already been copied so many times that Uncharted feels like a cover band that was inspired by […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F It’s that time of year again. It’s the anniversary of whatever-the-fuck Liam Neeson movie was released in winter last year (I think it was either The Marksman or Honest Thief, but I get my Neeson years mixed up), so it’s time for another shitty action movie that’s so generic that […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F “January movies” has almost become its own subgenre. This particular breed of shitty filmmaking is most associated with horror films, but also routinely expands into other genres, and the defining characteristic is that a typical “January movie” completely defies memory. It is so bland and forgettable that it dares you […]