I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B I had no idea what to expect going into this movie, which is fitting since I couldn’t have possibly predicted how bonkers it is. The Substance is a balls-to-the-wall, batshit crazy, Cronenberg-esque extravaganza of body horror. It’s a bit too long and the social commentary has the subtlety of Cannibal […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C Speak No Evil is a remake of the Danish film of the same name from 2022. It may seem unnecessary to remake a movie from just two years ago and, yes, I wouldn’t necessarily call this movie “necessary.” However, I was genuinely wondering how this material would be updated for […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D The original Beetlejuice is a classic and arguably one of the most original films released by a major studio since the 1970s. It’s a movie that I’ve probably watched a couple dozen times and I have fond memories of the cartoon from when I was a kid. Given the film’s […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F There was a time, not long ago, when the Blumhouse logo in front of a movie didn’t make me groan and regret my life choices. The Black Phone was my favorite movie of 2022 and the 2020 version of The Invisible Man is a great movie. That was only a […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F I seem to be in the minority on this, but I am not, in principle, opposed to the idea of a new Crow movie. Yes, the original movie is intrinsically and tragically tied to Brandon Lee’s legacy. However, one must consider two things: First, there have already been three terrible […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C+ After the debacle of Alien: Covenant, I had completely written off the Alien franchise and didn’t pay much attention to the development of this latest entry. Despite its longevity, this is a series that has purely lived off the quality of its first two entries for a long, long time. […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D- My trip to the theater to see Trap marked the 10th anniversary of when I started going to the movies every week back in August 2014, when this compulsion all started with the godawful Michael Bay reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A lot has happened in the last ten […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B+ Marvel Jesus, indeed. Deadpool & Wolverine has arrived to resuscitate the Marvel Universe, the once unstoppable juggernaut that has been on life support in recent years due to a string of critical and commercial flops (with the exception of the excellent Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3). The enormous box […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B I honestly didn’t have particularly high hopes going into Twisters. Actually, to put it more bluntly, I didn’t give a shit about this movie from the moment that it was announced. While the original Twister was a massive success back in 1996, I’m still not exactly sure why. It isn’t […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C The Watchers is the directorial debut of Ishana Night Shyamalan, daughter of M. Night Shyamalan. If you didn’t know that going into the film, you would likely assume that this was made by M. Night himself or someone trying to copy him because, for better or worse, this feels like […]