I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
I was planning to entertain myself by seeing how many “this feels familiar” jokes I could cram into this review, but I can’t even do that. The original Happy Death Day is a horror version of Groundhog Day in which Tree, our idiotically named hero, must repeatedly relive the same day and be continually […]
“This is the bed of lies!!!!” Trust me, this movie is worth seeing just for that line. You will thank me later. This movie is awful and I am recommending the hell out of it. I may not like a lot of the movies that I see lately, but there are two kinds of […]
Not counting public domain characters (like Dracula, Tarzan, Robin Hood, etc.), Godzilla is the world’s longest-running film series. This is the 35th Godzilla movie (!) and you bet your sweet ass that I’ve seen all of them. The good news is that this is easily the best American-made Godzilla movie. The bad news is […]
Well, this is a big goddam disappointment. Glass is a sequel to both Unbreakable and Split and, since Unbreakable came out in 2000, M. Night Shyamalan has had 19 years to think about how to resolve this series (fun fact: Split was originally just a subplot in Unbreakable, but was cut from the script […]
Ford v Ferrari is the true story of Ford attempting to end Ferrari’s dominance of the racing circuit in 1966. If you are a fan of racing and muscle cars, you probably already know this story and are going to love the movie. If you couldn’t care less about those things, you will probably […]
This was my 250th consecutive week of going to the movies and I’m going to say something for perhaps the first time: This movie isn’t nearly as bad as people are making it out to be. No, it isn’t great and “it’s not that bad” isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, but people need to […]
This is a tough one to review. For starters, don’t go into this expecting a comic book movie. If you are expecting something like Venom or Suicide Squad, you’re going to have a bad time. This is not what I was expecting because I brushed off the filmmakers’ claims that this would be a […]
Miss Bala is a remake of the 2011 Mexican film with the same title (“bala” is Spanish for “bullet”….not sure why they didn’t translate the title after going through the trouble of remaking the entire goddamn movie for Americans). The original film is a brutal, bleak, depressing R-rated drama. The trailers for this new […]
This movie is bullshit. Boring, meandering, self-indulgent bullshit. I am a huge fan of Tarantino’s movies. Reservoir Dogs and From Dusk till Dawn are among my favorite movies of all time and most of his other work is damn solid. I had The Hateful Eight as the best movie of 2015. Once Upon a […]
Here is the deal with spoilers. The first few paragraphs are spoiler-free, and then I will write SPOILER ALERT. Somebody once asked me if that meant that I’m about to start writing spoilers. That guy is an idiot. Don’t be like that guy. I saw Iron Man in a theater when it came out back […]