I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
The good news is that Dark Fate is the best Terminator movie since Terminator 2. The bad news is that that’s like saying your sixth root canal went better than the previous three. The Terminator story logically concluded with T2 and the series has been lumbering along in a death march ever since, trying […]
After seven movies, the Spiderman franchise has divided itself into three neat categories: the really good (Spiderman and Spiderman 2), the okay (Amazing Spiderman and Spiderman: Homecoming) and the godawful (Spiderman 3 and Amazing Spiderman 2). I’m moderately happy to say that this latest entry is firmly in the “okay” pile. Essentially just like […]
Shazam! is my favorite DC Universe movie and possibly my favorite superhero movie since Logan. However, this is about as far from Logan as a superhero movie can get. I have heard many people say that this just looks like a kid’s movie. Well, yeah. That’s what this character should be. Not every character […]
As you may have noticed, I watch a lot of bad movies. Most of those, though, are either forgettable and boring or they are cynical cashgrabs. Serenity is none of those things. Serenity is something special. This trainwreck is so misguided and miscalculated that I don’t know what to make of it. It’s either […]
I was obsessed with Stephen King when I was a little kid and Pet Sematary was one of my favorite books. I read it when I was 7 or 8 years old, so I don’t remember it much beyond the broad strokes and that it was creepy and sad as hell. I have seen […]
John motherfucking Rambo. I love these movies. Well, I love most of these movies. The original First Blood is a classic action film that is far more poignant and somber than people remember. That’s because the first sequel, Rambo: First Blood Part 2, is easily the most iconic and successful of the series. That […]
Ready or Not is a freaking blast and easily one of my favorite movies of the year. That’s especially impressive considering that this kind of thing is hard to pull off. This is a thriller/comedy and that is a tough balance to strike; usually it devolves into just being a comedy with thriller elements. […]
Much like the last Star Wars movie, The Rise of Skywalker has seemingly divided the internet in half. Some are screaming about how awful it is, the rest are screaming about how great it is. It will apparently either ruin your childhood or force you to cum in your pants. I assume that this […]
Midsommar is the latest example of “elevated horror” or “art house horror” or several other similar labels, all of which mean that the movie is either boring or pretentious enough to appeal to people that don’t like horror movies. Such movies (like The Witch or Hereditary or that godawful Suspiria remake) allow snobby film […]
Ma is a commentary on the potential consequences of bullying and has several important lessons for teenagers: Don’t drink too much. Don’t trust strangers. And, most importantly, don’t blow a guy in a dark closet unless you’re absolutely certain you know who it is. More importantly, Ma is basically what you’re left with if […]