I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
Around this time last year, I labelled Suspiria as the worst horror remake ever made. I didn’t intend that as some sort of challenge, but apparently that’s how the makers of Black Christmas interpreted it. This is the closest that I have ever come to walking out on a movie. Black Christmas is a […]
Brightburn is the best horror movie that I’ve seen in quite some time and it has an amazingly simple and obvious concept: What if Superman was not a virtuous hero, but rather a psychopathic killer? We would all be fucked. That’s what would happen. The plot is the Superman origin story. A spacecraft […]
The Lighthouse isn’t a horror film. You can ignore all of the nonsense marketing and media blurbs about how scary this movie is, because it isn’t. The Lighthouse is a drama. If you temper your expectations accordingly, this is not an awful movie. It is a marvel of cinematography and has performances that will […]
“Finally, a female superhero on the big screen!” presumably said somebody in 1984 when Supergirl was released to theaters. Since then, the only female comic heroes that have made it into the movies are Batgirl, The Invisible Woman, Catwoman, Storm, Rogue, Mystique, Kitty Pryde, Jubilee, Psylocke, Elektra, Jean Grey, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Gamora, […]
The Intruder is directed by a guy named Deon Taylor and I would like to begin with an actual excerpt from his biography on IMDB: “A prolific writer, filmmaker, director and idea generator, Deon Taylor is a self-taught, creative genius. His work is innovative, his writing is cutting edge and his vision is iconic… […]
This movie didn’t hold my attention in a captive state. Yeah, that’s the best that I’ve got. I watched several people walk out on this movie, making this already the second time this year that I’ve seen that happen (the other being Greta). A friend of mine came with me to see it […]
Considering that I hate the Charlie’s Angels movies from the early 2000s, I had a pretty low bar for this new version. The makers of the latest Charlie’s Angels not only lowered that bar, they then took the bar, wrapped it in the most trite of feminist clichés and beat me over the fucking […]
Crime movies in the late 90s-early 2000s were weird. Every young director wanted to be the next Tarantino, characters almost exclusively communicated through obscure pop culture references and a movie wasn’t really cool unless its scenes were out of order. The Gentlemen is a throwback to that time. For director Guy Richie, this is […]
This movie shouldn’t be called Child’s Play. Call it anything else. Hell, call it Blood Buddy, which was the original title of Child’s Play. This isn’t a bad movie. It’s a decent horror flick that I would likely give a moderately positive review if it was called something else. However, they decided to call […]
I heard that some sort of comic book movie came out this weekend, but first I’m here to tell you about this flaming bag of dogshit. Quick update, I saw Hellboy last week but I’ve had a very busy couple of weeks and didn’t have a chance to review it. Normally when that happens, […]