I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F Venom: Let There Be Carnage is one of the worst comic book movies ever made and I think I’ve seen every one of them. I hated every second of this film. I hated every second of the experience of watching this film, and I’ll review the audience at the end. […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D- James Wan has taken a break from mega blockbusters to return to his horror roots and proves that he has greater versatility than just making mediocre haunted house movies; he can also make terrible giallo movies. Malignant begins in a similar vein as Wan’s The Conjuring and Insidious, but quickly […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- As a fan of martial arts movies from the 70s and 80s, I was looking forward to Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings in hopes that it would infuse some new flavor into the Marvel formula. While there are some kickass moments in early fight scenes and some […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D- Let me start with a bit of a disclaimer: There are plenty of reviews of Candyman that will tell you how brave or relevant or powerful the film is, or how the film is any number of other adjectives that used to actually mean something but now just vaguely denote […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- Damn it, The Night House is so close to being a great movie. So very, very close. For about the first three quarters of this film, I was giving it an A and ready to proclaim it the best film of 2021 thus far. Then the last quarter happened and […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- The original Don’t Breathe was a clever, tense horror flick that cleverly subverted the home-invasion subgenre. The story of a group of thieve that break into a blind veteran’s home to steal his considerable savings only to discover that the seemingly defenseless old guy is actually a quite capable maniac, […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: A- I wasn’t writing reviews yet when the first Suicide Squad was released in 2016, but that’s probably for the best as I’m not sure if my vocabulary could adequately describe my hatred for that loathsome piece of shit. The Suicide Squad doesn’t exactly have an inspired title, but otherwise feels […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C If you are familiar with 80s cartoons, you will likely recall that the sword-wielding assassin Snake Eyes was one of the coolest characters on the original G.I. Joe show. Playing G.I. Joe with your friends, Snake Eyes would likely be one of the first characters that somebody would call dibs […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- I’ll preface this by saying that I’m being generous with the B- grade. Old is a movie that doesn’t live up to its own concept and can never make the leap from decent to great. The core idea of the film lays a foundation something greater than what was actually […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D Well, my demands have been met and my pleas have finally been answered. Here is a sequel to Escape Room. Yay. While the first film is a maddeningly bland version of Cube, Escape Room: Tournament of Champions is, well, the exact same goddamn thing. But, for anybody that saw the […]