The person that schedules movies at Garden State Plaza sucks at their job. This was a filler week for me, there was nothing I particularly wanted to see and nothing I felt obligated to see. I just needed to see something. I try to go to showtimes between 7:30 – 8:30, as then I […]
I fucking love these movies. The first Kingsman is one of my favorite movies of the past five years and (along with John Wick) one of the best action movies of the century so far. The mix of a James Bond-like world with extreme violence and raunchy humor is something that could easily delve […]
Wow. I don’t even know where to start with this trainwreck. King Arthur is one of those classic stories (like Robin Hood or Zorro or Tarzan) that Hollywood likes to dust off every decade or so, spend an ungodly amount of money on it and then promptly regret it. There have been many King […]
Kong: Skull Island is a hell of a lot of fun. I’ve mentioned that I’m a big fan of old monster movies and this is a love letter to the genre. Fast-paced and full of sweet monster smashing, this feels like the filmmakers studied the criticisms of the 2005 King Kong and 2014 Godzilla […]
Wonder Woman is supposed to be a beacon of hope, but that bitch lied to me. As a lifelong comic book fan that owns thousands of DC comics, the experience of watching Man of Steel, Batman v Superman and Suicide Squad was akin to having someone set my soul on fire and piss on […]
I didn’t see the last Jumanji in a theater because I thought the trailers looked lame. However, I eventually got around to watching it at home and was surprised by how much I liked it. It is a surprisingly clever, funny movie that manages to be both a true sequel to the original 1995 […]
I love these movies. The story of a man that goes on a bloody rampage when people kill his dog and steal his Mustang really speaks to me on a deep, spiritual level. Picking up from the end of the first one, John Wick: Chapter 2 has an old acquaintance of Wick contact him […]
Jigsaw is one of the most lazy, unnecessary sequels that I’ve seen in a while and that’s fucking saying something. There are going to be spoilers here because I don’t know how to discuss Saw without being specific about the plot. This series, up until now, has had an almost obsessive dedication to continuity. […]
It is my most anticipated film of the year. Yeah, Last Jedi, I know. But back when I was a kid and the world had not yet crushed my spirit, I wanted to be a writer and I idolized Stephen King. Starting in third grade, I read everything that he wrote. I read books […]
No, this isn’t porn. I’m not really sure what to call this. It Comes at Night was marketed as a horror film and seemed to be about people living in a house in the woods with some sort of monster outside. That was a pack of damn dirty lies. This isn’t a horror film […]