January is typically a dumping ground for movies that studios have little faith in and there is always a shitty horror movie in that mix. “January horror movie” is actually a term and it means the same as “shitty horror movie.” Well, it’s only the first week of February and Gretel & Hansel is […]
Ever since I started going to the movies weekly in 2014, I’ve kept a list of the films that I see (this is entry #296). I occasionally look over the list and I’m always struck by the movies that I have no memory of seeing. These are the film equivalent of taking that last […]
Freaky may be the most fun that I’ve had at the movies this year. That may not be saying much in 2020, but this is still a damn fun horror/comedy and that is a difficult genre blend to pull off. Thanks largely to strong performances and clever writing, Freaky manages to be both one […]
Come Play would be good as your kid’s first horror movie, especially if your kid happens to be a complete pussy. Gore? None. Bodycount? Zero. Creepy atmosphere? Fuck off with that. Cheap jump scares that can be seen coming from a mile away? Oh, you betcha. But if you are terrified of lights turning […]
Unhinged is a perfectly decent thriller that probably won’t stay in your memory bank for very long. This is the kind of thing that I expect to catch on cable after midnight, not as something starring Russell Crowe and playing in thousands of theaters. It’s not something that you will regret watching, but it […]
The Empty Man was a rollercoaster of emotion. Actually it’s more like a log flume because it starts out pleasantly enough, then sharply drops you and never brings you back up again. With trailers that made it appear to be a copy of Slender Man and Bye Bye Man, I was fully prepared to […]
Look, I’m not proud of this. Yes, I went to see a romantic comedy. Yes, I went by myself. It was just me and one couple in that theater and they seemed very annoyed that I was there. But until more movies start being released, this is all that I was left with. Even […]
Movies based on video games don’t exactly have a great track record, so I went into Monster Hunter without particularly high expectations. On the plus side, it’s directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, who directed Mortal Kombat and that’s probably still the best video game film that I’ve seen. On the downside, it’s directed by […]
At long last, because we have all been demanding it, here is the horror movie version of Fantasy Island. For the sake of everyone under around 35 years old, an explanation may be in order. Fantasy Island was a popular tv show in the late 70s/early 80s. I was born in 84 and don’t […]
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: A group of scientists/soldiers (stop) are stuck in an underground/underwater/outer space facility (really, stop) when their equipment gets damaged (fucking stop) and they are hunted by a monster (good god, fucking stop!). It has been 41 years since Alien was released, but we still get Alien […]