The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B
Love Hurts is the directorial debut of Jonathan Eusebio, one of the preeminent stuntmen and fight choreographers in Hollywood over the last couple of decades. Most people won’t recognize his name, but they know his work from the John Wick movies, a whole bunch of Marvel movies, Jason Bourne movies and a shit load of others. If you have seen someone get kicked in the face in a movie this century, there is a good chance that Eusebio was involved. Given that background, Love Hurts is pretty much exactly what I expected it to be: a fun, though unremarkable, action flick inspired by old martial arts movies.
The resurgent Ke Huy Quan stars as Marvin Gable, a seemingly dorky real estate agent with a dark past. In his old life, he was a ruthless hitman/enforcer for a gang run by his brother, Knuckles. When he was instructed to kill a young woman named Rose (played by Ariana DeBose), he instead fell in love with her, allowed her to escape and quit the gang to take up a mundane life in suburbia. Rose reappears one day, enraging Knuckles who then goes after both Rose and Marvin. With his woman and his new life threatened, Marvin must drop his vanilla façade, return to his old ways and kick the shit out of a lot of people as he makes his way to his brother.
So, yeah, this is another John Wick knockoff in the burgeoning action subgenre about a guy that is secretly a complete badass. This is an oddly specific plot that we have gotten a lot in the ten years since the success of the original John Wick and Love Hurts certainly isn’t winning any points for originality. This takes a comedic approach to the material, but that isn’t exactly fresh either, as Nobody already did this (and even did it better). This is a formulaic movie that doesn’t bring much (if anything) new to the table.
That being said, I like this formula and Love Hurts is a fun iteration of it. Your appreciation of this film will largely hinge upon your enjoyment of watching Ke Huy Quan beat the crap out of people. Personally, I am on board for that. It’s great to see the career resurgence that Quan has had in recent years and his everyman persona works perfectly for this kind of material. He’s a charismatic actor that one wouldn’t think of as an action hero, so it works perfectly when he flips a switch and starts kicking ass. As one would expect from a film directed by Jonathan Eusebio, the action is gloriously over-the-top and meticulously choreographed. This is not the least bit realistic, though, so those expecting the alleyway brawl from They Live will be disappointed. As we left the theater, The Film Nurse remarked that it reminded her of old Jackie Chan movies and that observation is about right. This is an ode to old, silly martial arts movies where everything is a weapon and everyone can take more damage than a human body could possibly endure. In other words, this is a live action cartoon.
For better or worse, the characters all seem to be aware that they are cartoons. There are a couple of hitmen (one surprisingly played by Marshawn Lynch) that bicker and discuss relationships throughout the destruction. There is a running gag about a hitman named Raven that writes emo poetry like he’s a scene kid in 2001. The villain and his endless henchmen are like the bad guys in an old beat-em’-up game like Streets of Rage. The whole thing is campy as hell and comes close, almost too close, to becoming too quirky for its own good.
The film’s biggest issue is that the romantic relationship between Ke Huy Quan and Ariana DeBose is downright ridiculous. Not only is there a 19-year age difference between the two actors, they have absolutely zero chemistry together. There is nothing in the film, other than exposition, that indicates that these two characters are anything more than casual acquaintances and I sure as hell don’t buy their relationship as the catalyst for the film’s events. The plot is pretty much an excuse for the fight scenes, but this is still a problem when their relationship is supposed to be the core of the film. With Quan being the film’s centerpiece, Debose was miscast here and the part should have gone to an actress 15 years her senior.
Love Hurts is sitting at a dismal 16% on Rotten Tomatoes, but this is a rare case when I will be a dissenting voice for positivity. It sure as hell isn’t anything groundbreaking; hell, it really brings nothing new to the genre whatsoever. But the fight scenes are fun, Ke Huy Quan is having a blast and, at a scant 83-minutes, it doesn’t outstay its welcome. This is a weak B-grade, but I had a fun enough time that I can’t justify scoring it lower.
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