The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C
As with everyone else my age, I grew up a huge Indiana Jones fan. I watched the hell out of the first three movies (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom being my marginal favorite; more on that in a minute) and I think it’s a travesty that the series was dormant for the entirety of the 90s. We missed out on more potentially great adventures while Harrison Ford was still young enough to play the character, not getting another entry until the 65-year-old Ford donned the fedora again in 2008’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I hated Kingdom of the Crystal Skull for pretty much the same reasons that everyone else hated it, but at least it was considered the final film in the series. With all of the hoopla in 2008 about Ford still playing the character as he approached retirement age, surely he could never play the character again.
But then Disney bought the franchise and the House of Mouse is now primarily known for pecking at the bones of dead franchises until the last bit of meat is gone. Indiana Jones may have been done by any logical metric, but Disney’s creative bankruptcy means that no intellectual property can be given a respectful burial (an ending that was already out of reach thanks to Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). I said all of that to say that I was dreading Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Absolutely dreading it. I’m happy to report, though, that this movie isn’t awful. It isn’t good and it shouldn’t have been made, but it isn’t as bad as I expected it to be. Good job, Disney. That’s about the best that I can hope for from you.
Director James Mangold (who made Logan and Ford vs. Ferrari) takes over for Steven Spielberg, but the script is still stuck in the same patterns that have become tiresome in this series. Despite being set in 1969, Nazis are again the villains. Indiana is again accompanied by a relative that was never mentioned before (this time, a goddaughter played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge). Indiana must find multiple objects (key, maps, etc.) to lead him to the ultimate artifact: The Dial of Archimedes, which can be used to travel back in time. As with the Ark and the Holy Grail, the Nazis (led by Mads Mikkelsen) want the artifact to win the war (this being set decades after the war, they want to travel back in time to kill Hitler because they think his poor decision-making led to Germany’s defeat).
Remember how I said that Temple of Doom is my favorite Indy movie? Well, that movie’s disregard of this formula is one of the reasons why I love it. Some people view Temple of Doom as the oddball of the series and, yeah, I think that’s a good thing. Indiana Jones is a character that could have done anything. He could have gone to the pyramids of Egypt (Indiana Jones and the Mummy’s Tomb), he could have gone to a haunted castle (Indiana Jones and the Castle of Phantoms), he could have searched for Atlantis (Indiana Jones and the Lost Continent). These titles practically write themselves, but Last Crusade (as much as I love it) returned to the style, tone and villains of Raiders of the Lost Ark and a formula was born. Dial of Destiny is completely beholden to the structure of every movie in the series except Temple of Doom and it feels like a song being sung by a man in his 80s that was written when he was in his 30s. The notes are there, but the fun is largely replaced by routine.
The biggest problem with the film is Indy himself. I won’t beat his age into the ground, as we’re all aware that an 80-year-old Indiana isn’t exactly ideal. However, Indy’s characterization here is an equally big problem. Much like Luke Skywalker, Disney has opted to reintroduce Indiana as a miserable, cynical old man. Indy’s son is dead, Marion had divorced him, he lives in a small, shitty apartment and he’s an alcoholic. Isn’t that what you pictured for Indiana Jones? A dejected drunk yelling at his neighbors to turn down their music? The argument could be that the film represents the final part of Indy’s character arc, but I take issue with Indy having a character arc at all. At the risk of sounding unintellectual, I don’t need character development for Indiana Jones. I just want to watch the fun adventure guy go on fun adventures. James Mangold did this very well with Wolverine in Logan, but Indiana Jones isn’t Wolverine. Raiders of the Lost Ark was a response to the serious, character-driven New Hollywood films of the 70s and a return to simple cinematic fun. Making Indiana a mourning, drunk divorcee is contrary to the entire simplistic point of this series.
Partially due to Ford’s age and partially because of Disney’s typical reliance on CGI, most of the effects and action sequences are dreadful. The worst thing about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is the awful effects sequences and this movie seems to oddly double-down on it. Not only are most of the action sequences unimaginative chase scenes, but they look absolutely ridiculous due to the nonstop use of computer effects and terrible blue screen work. While Temple of Doom and Last Crusade have a couple of digital effects that haven’t aged well, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Dial of Destiny are feature-length digital effects that looked awful as soon as they debuted. The opening sequence with a young Indiana Jones is particularly cringe-inducing and the entire segment looks like a video game (it also doesn’t help to recreate the 40-year-old Indiana from the 80s, but he still has the gruff 80-year-old Indiana voice coming out of his mouth).
Despite all of this, the core concept of the film is solid. In fact, I think this could have been great if it had been made as the fourth Indiana Jones movie in the early 90s. While some may think that time travel is a bit far-fetched for the series (an argument presumably made by people that didn’t see all of the supernatural elements of the first three movies), the dial is an interesting artifact that differs from the religious artifacts of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Last Crusade and allows the film to break from formula and go absolutely bonkers in the last 20 minutes or so. I imagine that the last act may lose some people because of how far it goes off the rails, but that’s when I actually woke up because it finally departed from formula. If the film was made around 1992 and, consequently, wasn’t saddled with an old Indy and terrible special effects, I could see this really working.
In terms of performances, I’ve dwelled on Indy enough, but Ford does the best that he can with the bastardization of the character. Mads Mikkelsen is oddly subdued, but the man was born to play an Indy villain just as he was born to play a Bond villain. His villainous plan has some obvious logical gaps (how does he think he is going to pick the spot in time he wants to travel to?), but Mikkelsen sells it as he sells every other villain role that he plays. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is shockingly tolerable and far less obnoxious than Shia LaBeouf’s character in the last entry. The trope of Indy’s long-lost family member tagging along for the adventure has gotten really old, but she is a well-developed character (not just the girl-boss bullshit that you see in the trailer) that proves an acceptable companion for Indy. Unfortunately, she also has a kid sidekick that is basically supposed to be a new Short Round (from Temple of Doom) but he’s completely forgettable and useless. I don’t want to knock the child actor because he had nothing to work with, but there was no reason for this character to be in the film.
In ranking the Indiana Jones movies, the only question here is whether this is better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. To that question, I give an unenthusiastic yes, Dial of Destiny is better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. While both suffer from a too-old Indy, terrible effects and tiresome devotion to the formula of Raiders and Crusade, Dial of Destiny has a better core concept, better villain and more tolerable sidekick. Crystal Skull is oddly the more memorable film because its bad sequences are more memorably bad, but Dial of Destiny is more comfortably in the realm of mediocrity. So…..yay Indy?
Image By: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Jones_and_the_Dial_of_Destiny#/media/File:Indiana_Jones_and_the_Dial_of_Destiny_theatrical_poster.jpg
