Short review for everyone complaining that my reviews are too long: This movie is good. Now, for everyone else: Mission: Impossible is one of those series that’s perfectly fine, but I can never remember a damn thing about them. I know that Part 2 is my least favorite and has that godawful Metallica […]
I estimate that approximately 80% of modern life is just lying about how much you’re laughing out loud. But do you remember the last time that something made you legitimately laugh? Not a fake, texting lol, but legitimately made you laugh out loud? And maybe you heard that same joke again months or maybe […]
Death Wish is, of course, a remake of the classic 1974 film starring Charles Bronson (which was already kinda, sorta remade as the 2007 Kevin Bacon film Death Sentence, but that’s complicated). Although I generally detest modern remakes, I was somewhat curious about the direction that this movie would take because the original five-film […]
I’m starting to feel old when I watch big-budget movies like this. There is always a point, usually about an hour into the film, when I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t mean that in a general, snarky way. I mean that I completely forget who the characters are and what they are doing. […]
I had a bad feeling about this. I love Star Wars and Han Solo is my favorite character, but I had little interest in a prequel movie about him. Solo is also the latest example in a disturbing Hollywood trend of big movies that are essentially made twice. Original directors Phil Lord and Chris […]
Alright, ladies, let’s just get this out of the way. You’re right. I’ve seen the memes and read the comments and I’m secure enough to admit it: Amber Heard is really fucking hot in this movie. Now, let’s move on to discussing the actual film, you sex-obsessed maniacs. Anyway, I’m still somewhat amazed […]
Upgrade is the offspring of a lot of other movies. It’s primarily a cross between Death Wish and Robocop, but there are elements (either in terms of plot or aesthetics) of Blade Runner, 2001 and Ex Machina. With those kinds of influences, its also a movie that I wanted to like more than I […]
As the old saying goes, you can’t be everything to everyone. Venom was seemingly made to prove this point. This movie is a goddamn mess that tries to throw in something for every conceivable audience and, as a result, it won’t satisfy anybody. Comic fans will be annoyed by the butchering of the source […]
The Mummy is fucking awful and it pisses me off on several levels. This is the worst kind of cynical, corporate horseshit. I love the old Universal monster movies. Mummies are my favorite variety of classic monsters. Yummy Mummy was even my favorite of the monster cereals. But I can’t for the life of […]
Yes, this will be spoiler-free. I generally avoid reading reviews of a film before I have seen it myself and written my own review. The most that I will do, when I’m particularly curious, is scroll through the blurbs on Rotten Tomatoes when I’m having my pre-movie burger and beer. But, this being Star […]