The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D+ Rarely does a movie manage to bore me within the first minute, but Voyagers pulled it off nicely by opening with exposition stating that Earth has become uninhabitable and humans need to find another planet that can serve as our home. Brilliant, I’ve never heard that one before. This has become […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B Well, you can’t say that this movie doesn’t deliver what it promises. Godzilla vs. Kong is a big, dumb, fun popcorn flick featuring two of film’s most famous monsters pummeling the shit out of each other. It’s certainly not a smart movie or a perfect movie. The plot is asinine, the […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- Chaos Walking was filmed in 2017, then sat on a shelf, then underwent extensive reshoots in 2019, then sat on a shelf before finally being released to the excitement of seemingly nobody in 2021. The final result is a film so steeped in mediocrity that I must wonder what the fuck […]
If I had been writing reviews when Inception was released, I could just repost that review now with some nouns changed. Much like with Inception, Christopher Nolan has crafted a clever film with astounding visuals and concepts that are highbrow for a mega-budget Hollywood film. Also much like Inception, Tenet is a bit too far […]
I was curious about this film largely because of the vagueness of the marketing. I’ve been seeing trailers for this for quite some time now and I still had no idea what it was about as I headed into the theater. I knew it was a science fiction film starring Brad Pitt and that’s […]
Much like The Meg, I’m just amazed that this movie finally exists. Based on the manga (Japanese comic book), James Cameron bought the rights to make a Battle Angel film back in 1998, 20th Century Fox registered domain names for the film in 2000 and the movie was officially announced in 2003 with Cameron […]
“Finally, a female superhero on the big screen!” presumably said somebody in 1984 when Supergirl was released to theaters. Since then, the only female comic heroes that have made it into the movies are Batgirl, The Invisible Woman, Catwoman, Storm, Rogue, Mystique, Kitty Pryde, Jubilee, Psylocke, Elektra, Jean Grey, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Gamora, […]
This movie didn’t hold my attention in a captive state. Yeah, that’s the best that I’ve got. I watched several people walk out on this movie, making this already the second time this year that I’ve seen that happen (the other being Greta). A friend of mine came with me to see it […]
The good news is that Dark Fate is the best Terminator movie since Terminator 2. The bad news is that that’s like saying your sixth root canal went better than the previous three. The Terminator story logically concluded with T2 and the series has been lumbering along in a death march ever since, trying […]
Much like the last Star Wars movie, The Rise of Skywalker has seemingly divided the internet in half. Some are screaming about how awful it is, the rest are screaming about how great it is. It will apparently either ruin your childhood or force you to cum in your pants. I assume that this […]