Midsommar is the latest example of “elevated horror” or “art house horror” or several other similar labels, all of which mean that the movie is either boring or pretentious enough to appeal to people that don’t like horror movies. Such movies (like The Witch or Hereditary or that godawful Suspiria remake) allow snobby film […]
Ma is a commentary on the potential consequences of bullying and has several important lessons for teenagers: Don’t drink too much. Don’t trust strangers. And, most importantly, don’t blow a guy in a dark closet unless you’re absolutely certain you know who it is. More importantly, Ma is basically what you’re left with if […]
I am about to unload a dump truck of hate onto this movie. I also love this story. Both the novel and the 1990 miniseries had a major impact on me as a kid. I’ve read the book twice and still enjoy the 1990 version despite its flaws. I didn’t love Chapter 1 of […]
Have you ever seen Cube? It’s an interesting sci-fi thriller from 1997 that I remember renting in middle school. I probably haven’t seen it since I was a teenager, but remember that it was about a group of strangers that find themselves locked in a building and must solve a series of puzzles and […]
As much as I love The Shining, I’m not sure if we needed a sequel nearly 40 years later. Having read the book Doctor Sleep, I think that even Stephen King may agree with me. While the book is entertaining, it is also a simple rewrite away from having nothing to do with The […]
I was planning to entertain myself by seeing how many “this feels familiar” jokes I could cram into this review, but I can’t even do that. The original Happy Death Day is a horror version of Groundhog Day in which Tree, our idiotically named hero, must repeatedly relive the same day and be continually […]
I was busy for a few weeks, but I’ve returned to tell you all about a movie that you probably won’t see anyway. You’re welcome. First of all, how the fuck is this not called 48 Meters Down? I mean, honestly, that shit writes itself. Regardless, I don’t remember much about the first movie. I […]
This is a film that doesn’t live up to its subject matter. Winchester is inspired by the real-life Sarah Winchester, the heiress to the Winchester rifle fortune who was also as looney as a toon. In real life, Sarah became convinced that the ghosts of those killed by her company’s rifles were after her […]
This review is delayed and the reasons for the delay pretty much encapsulate my feelings for this film. I saw this over a week ago and left the theater without much to say. With a really bad or good movie, I leave the theater with jokes or comments already in mind, but it’s the […]
Seriously, what the fuck? Why is there an Unfriended 2? I can’t believe that I’m even saying “Unfriended 2.” I didn’t even know that this was in production and just heard of it a few weeks ago when I saw the trailer. That was probably the most frightening trailer that I’ve ever seen, as […]