I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
Considering that I hate the Charlie’s Angels movies from the early 2000s, I had a pretty low bar for this new version. The makers of the latest Charlie’s Angels not only lowered that bar, they then took the bar, wrapped it in the most trite of feminist clichés and beat me over the fucking […]
Crime movies in the late 90s-early 2000s were weird. Every young director wanted to be the next Tarantino, characters almost exclusively communicated through obscure pop culture references and a movie wasn’t really cool unless its scenes were out of order. The Gentlemen is a throwback to that time. For director Guy Richie, this is […]
This movie shouldn’t be called Child’s Play. Call it anything else. Hell, call it Blood Buddy, which was the original title of Child’s Play. This isn’t a bad movie. It’s a decent horror flick that I would likely give a moderately positive review if it was called something else. However, they decided to call […]
I heard that some sort of comic book movie came out this weekend, but first I’m here to tell you about this flaming bag of dogshit. Quick update, I saw Hellboy last week but I’ve had a very busy couple of weeks and didn’t have a chance to review it. Normally when that happens, […]
The good news is that Dark Fate is the best Terminator movie since Terminator 2. The bad news is that that’s like saying your sixth root canal went better than the previous three. The Terminator story logically concluded with T2 and the series has been lumbering along in a death march ever since, trying […]
After seven movies, the Spiderman franchise has divided itself into three neat categories: the really good (Spiderman and Spiderman 2), the okay (Amazing Spiderman and Spiderman: Homecoming) and the godawful (Spiderman 3 and Amazing Spiderman 2). I’m moderately happy to say that this latest entry is firmly in the “okay” pile. Essentially just like […]
Shazam! is my favorite DC Universe movie and possibly my favorite superhero movie since Logan. However, this is about as far from Logan as a superhero movie can get. I have heard many people say that this just looks like a kid’s movie. Well, yeah. That’s what this character should be. Not every character […]
As you may have noticed, I watch a lot of bad movies. Most of those, though, are either forgettable and boring or they are cynical cashgrabs. Serenity is none of those things. Serenity is something special. This trainwreck is so misguided and miscalculated that I don’t know what to make of it. It’s either […]
I was obsessed with Stephen King when I was a little kid and Pet Sematary was one of my favorite books. I read it when I was 7 or 8 years old, so I don’t remember it much beyond the broad strokes and that it was creepy and sad as hell. I have seen […]
John motherfucking Rambo. I love these movies. Well, I love most of these movies. The original First Blood is a classic action film that is far more poignant and somber than people remember. That’s because the first sequel, Rambo: First Blood Part 2, is easily the most iconic and successful of the series. That […]