I was busy for a few weeks, but I’ve returned to tell you all about a movie that you probably won’t see anyway. You’re welcome. First of all, how the fuck is this not called 48 Meters Down? I mean, honestly, that shit writes itself. Regardless, I don’t remember much about the first movie. I […]
This is a film that doesn’t live up to its subject matter. Winchester is inspired by the real-life Sarah Winchester, the heiress to the Winchester rifle fortune who was also as looney as a toon. In real life, Sarah became convinced that the ghosts of those killed by her company’s rifles were after her […]
This review is delayed and the reasons for the delay pretty much encapsulate my feelings for this film. I saw this over a week ago and left the theater without much to say. With a really bad or good movie, I leave the theater with jokes or comments already in mind, but it’s the […]
I want to start by saying that I do like this movie because I have to do some bitching before I get into the positives. I was fully prepared to hate this because it is the first (I think) theatrically-released movie that was filmed completely on an iPhone. That fucking pisses me off. It’s […]
Seriously, what the fuck? Why is there an Unfriended 2? I can’t believe that I’m even saying “Unfriended 2.” I didn’t even know that this was in production and just heard of it a few weeks ago when I saw the trailer. That was probably the most frightening trailer that I’ve ever seen, as […]
I admit it. I was looking forward to this. You see, folks, my bar is getting pretty fucking low. I no longer even hope that most movies will be good. I just hope that they will be memorable, for better or worse. With that in mind, the trailer for this movie is fucking amazing. […]
Good news, movie fans! I’ve discovered the least interesting film ever made and it’s the new Tomb Raider. Note that I didn’t say that its bad. No, I at least remember bad movies and this does nothing to warrant an emotional response close to labelling it bad. It also certainly isn’t good, that’s for […]
The Nun is the prequel to Annabelle: Creation, which is the prequel to Annabelle, which is the prequel to The Conjuring and it tells the origin story of the villain in The Conjuring 2. In other words, this movie is here to answer questions that I never gave a fuck about asking. Despite the […]
I come with a gift for the world: the first negative review of Black Panther. Now, I know what you’re thinking. But, you say, you’re a cynical bastard that doesn’t like anything made after 1998. Yes, that’s somewhat true. But my brother and a friend of ours accompanied me to see this movie. My […]
Nothing comes out between Avengers and Deadpool, so here is some stupid shit about Gabrielle Union fighting robbers. Union stars as Shaun and her father just died after being hit by a van. The van collision is the opening scene and the movie implies that it wasn’t an accident, but that’s never mentioned […]