The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D Following Fast X, The Boogeyman and now Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, the cinematic theme of summer 2023 seems to be movies that are unable to meet even the lowest of expectations. Like Fast X and The Boogeyman, I wasn’t expecting the latest Transformers to be a good movie (does anyone […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F I’ve seen worse movies than Fast X in the last couple of years. I’ve certainly seen movies that pissed me off more than Fast X did. Halloween Ends does exist, after all. But rarely do movies leave me feeling as empty inside as Fast X did. Not since Grown Ups […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: A- Sisu is the latest entry in the currently popular action subgenre of “don’t mess with a normal looking guy because he might actually be a complete badass and slaughter you.” This oddly specific subgenre is typified by Nobody and the John Wick movies and the trailers even spotlighted this connection […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B As much as I like the John Wick movies, I admit that they have gradually been losing me. The original is a classic action movie and, as with most great action movies, much of the charm comes from the simplicity of its concept. Some guys just fucked with the wrong […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- Rarely does a film’s title so succinctly summarize the scope of its ambition. For the sake of puns, I was hoping that this movie would be just plain bad. Or just plain good, but I wasn’t really banking on that one. It turns out that Plane is on the better […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- I couldn’t care less about the first Avatar. I don’t want to belabor this point, as it’s a point that’s been made in every critical analysis of it, but it’s just a mega-budget borderline remake of Dances with Wolves, replacing the Native Americans with blue aliens. If you can enjoy […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: A- Violent Night is one of those concepts that seems so obvious and simple that it’s amazing that it took so long for someone to make it: It’s Die Hard, but what if it was Santa Claus instead of John McClane? Fucking brilliant, right? Why hasn’t anyone done this before? While […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C I seemingly wrote the world’s only negative review of the first Black Panther back in 2018 and I’ve suspected that that review is one of the main reasons why my applications to monetize my website have been denied. Well, I’m still not making any money off of this, so I […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D The Rock has been talking about making a Black Adam movie since the late 2000s. Given that amount of time for planning, its kind of amazing how uninteresting the final product is. Black Adam is a failure as both a standalone movie and when considered as an adaptation, but its […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C+ The Italian poet Francesco Petrarch once wrote that “nothing is more hateful to wisdom than excessive cleverness.” There is much wisdom in the accumulated talent of Bullet Train, but the film’s obsession with its own sense of cleverness often overrides the positives on display and gets in the way of […]