Alright, ladies, let’s just get this out of the way. You’re right. I’ve seen the memes and read the comments and I’m secure enough to admit it: Amber Heard is really fucking hot in this movie. Now, let’s move on to discussing the actual film, you sex-obsessed maniacs. Anyway, I’m still somewhat amazed […]
Upgrade is the offspring of a lot of other movies. It’s primarily a cross between Death Wish and Robocop, but there are elements (either in terms of plot or aesthetics) of Blade Runner, 2001 and Ex Machina. With those kinds of influences, its also a movie that I wanted to like more than I […]
As the old saying goes, you can’t be everything to everyone. Venom was seemingly made to prove this point. This movie is a goddamn mess that tries to throw in something for every conceivable audience and, as a result, it won’t satisfy anybody. Comic fans will be annoyed by the butchering of the source […]
The Mummy is fucking awful and it pisses me off on several levels. This is the worst kind of cynical, corporate horseshit. I love the old Universal monster movies. Mummies are my favorite variety of classic monsters. Yummy Mummy was even my favorite of the monster cereals. But I can’t for the life of […]
Yes, this will be spoiler-free. I generally avoid reading reviews of a film before I have seen it myself and written my own review. The most that I will do, when I’m particularly curious, is scroll through the blurbs on Rotten Tomatoes when I’m having my pre-movie burger and beer. But, this being Star […]
I was looking forward to seeing The Great Wall. There, I said it. Many people have mocked the ridiculous concept of this film, but they need to remove the sticks from their asses. I’m a big fan of the b-movie creature features of the 50s and 60s, so the story of Matt Damon fighting […]
So these things are still being made. The sixth film in the series adapting the classic video game franchise, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter has us again following our hero Alice (who isn’t in the games) as she returns to the Hive (which isn’t in the games) for a final battle with Dr. Isaacs […]
Thor: Ragnarok is my favorite Marvel Universe movie since the first Guardians of the Galaxy, which makes sense since they share a similar action-comedy tone, and is far superior to the first two Thor movies. Simply stated, this movie is a hell of a lot of fun. I don’t dislike the first two Thor […]
Transformers: The Last Knight is a giant middle finger to filmmaking and the whole of human civilization. I have never walked out of a movie, but this joins a very short list of films that made me seriously consider doing so. Not everyone in my theater made it to the end. We lost some […]
Lo and behold, we have a good DC Universe movie! I despise Man of Steel, Batman v Superman, and Suicide Squad. Hate them. Loathe them. I named Suicide Squad the worst movie of 2016 and would have done the same for Man of Steel had I been doing such lists that year. But there was […]