The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C Uncharted, my ass. There isn’t a damn thing in this movie that hasn’t been done in a dozen other adventure films. The obvious comparison is the Indiana Jones franchise, but those films have already been copied so many times that Uncharted feels like a cover band that was inspired by […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C I was quite surprised when I did my weekly check on the listings at my local movie theater and discovered a horror movie that I had never heard of before. Considering my daily visits to multiple horror news websites, it’s rare that a horror flick manages to sneak into 1,600 […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F It’s that time of year again. It’s the anniversary of whatever-the-fuck Liam Neeson movie was released in winter last year (I think it was either The Marksman or Honest Thief, but I get my Neeson years mixed up), so it’s time for another shitty action movie that’s so generic that […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D+ The idea of Kenneth Branagh directing and starring as Hercule Poirot in a series of films based on Agatha Christie’s novels sounds so brilliant on paper that the underwhelming results seem even more crushingly disappointing. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a huge fan of old-school murder mystery whodunits and, consequently, […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D Following a musical and a Christian film in recent months, here is another genre that I don’t particularly like: disaster movies. And they don’t usually make them like this anymore. Well, except for one guy. Director Roland Emmerich has attempted to destroy the planet enough times to qualify as a […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F I’m giving this movie an F, but it’s a special kind of F. Sometimes, a film comes along that provides a completely new experience for me and makes me reconsider the depths of human insanity. This is one such film. Redeeming Love is absolutely fucking bonkers. I’ve never seen a […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D- Oh, January. What cinematic treasure you bring me every year. It’s not uncommon for a film to have a troubled path to the screen, either getting stuck in a prolonged development or production phase or even being completed and stuck on a shelf for awhile before finally being released. […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C I love the original Scream. It has become somewhat fashionable in film circles to hate that movie, but I think that the backlash has more to do with all of the crap that was inspired by Scream rather than the film itself. Sure, we got a lot of terrible teen […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F “January movies” has almost become its own subgenre. This particular breed of shitty filmmaking is most associated with horror films, but also routinely expands into other genres, and the defining characteristic is that a typical “January movie” completely defies memory. It is so bland and forgettable that it dares you […]