The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D Back when The Simpsons was funny, which was decades ago at this point, one of my favorite gags was when Grandpa Simpson would tell a story that didn’t go anywhere (“so I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time…..now to take the ferry cost […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F Rob Zombie, rejoice. Somebody may have finally made a Michael Myers movie as bad as your Halloween II and I didn’t think that was scientifically possible. Halloween Ends is a catastrophic trainwreck of a film. Everything about it is so misguided and ludicrous that I nearly went passed anger and […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D Smile was originally intended to go straight to streaming, but was upgraded to a theatrical release following test screenings with audience scores through the roof. This was apparently a good move because the film has been very well-received and the box office results are huge. I hate being that guy, […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C Based on the trailers, I expected Don’t Worry Darling to be a straightforward ripoff of The Stepford Wives. I was wrong. It is a ripoff of The Stepford Wives, but it also rips off elements from several other films to keep you on your toes. Despite some strong performances and […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C Well this quickly turned into one of the more unlikely franchises in recent memory. Pearl is a prequel to X, which was just released this past March and bombed at the box office with a gross of less than $12 million. Although very few people went to see the original, […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- I am a huge fan of the first two Clerks movies. Although I am about ten years younger than the characters in the movies, I still feel like I grew up with them. A friend of mine (who came with me to see this one) showed me the original on VHS […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: A- Well, this is not what I was expecting. If you haven’t seen Barbarian, then I suggest that you stop reading this after the first paragraph and go see it. While I’m going to avoid spoilers as much as possible, this is a movie that you want to go into completely […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C- In the pantheon of great man vs. animal thrillers, Beast isn’t one of them. The biggest downfall of this movie is its inability to commit to being either a straight, serious take on the subgenre (like Jaws or Cujo) or a an intentionally campy take on the genre (like Lake […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C+ The Italian poet Francesco Petrarch once wrote that “nothing is more hateful to wisdom than excessive cleverness.” There is much wisdom in the accumulated talent of Bullet Train, but the film’s obsession with its own sense of cleverness often overrides the positives on display and gets in the way of […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B+ Vengeance, the directorial debut of B.J. Novak, is a dark comedy and a refreshingly neutral social commentary about the blending of cultures from red and blue states. A surprisingly original film to (briefly) creep into about a thousand theaters nationwide, Vengeance is an engrossing and often funny film that offers […]