I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
mother! is a pretentious piece of shit. Even the title is pretentious. Oooohhhh the title is lowercase with an exclamation point, look how fucking artsy and special I am. Fuck you. I was duped into watching this thing by a great cast (Javier Bardem, Jennifer Lawrence, Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer) and a marketing […]
From the “why now?” file, we have the third installment in a horror franchise that has been dormant since 2005. I haven’t seen the first two movies since they first came out, but I remember thinking that The Ring is quite good. The Ring 2 is awful but is totally worth it for the deer […]
Thor: Ragnarok is my favorite Marvel Universe movie since the first Guardians of the Galaxy, which makes sense since they share a similar action-comedy tone, and is far superior to the first two Thor movies. Simply stated, this movie is a hell of a lot of fun. I don’t dislike the first two Thor […]
Transformers: The Last Knight is a giant middle finger to filmmaking and the whole of human civilization. I have never walked out of a movie, but this joins a very short list of films that made me seriously consider doing so. Not everyone in my theater made it to the end. We lost some […]
I was looking forward to Valerian. Not because I found it particularly appealing, but just because it is the unicorn of the modern film industry: a big-budget original movie. Yeah, it’s based on some old French comics, but that’s close enough to original in a year when I’ve seen the 8th Fast & Furious, […]
Lo and behold, we have a good DC Universe movie! I despise Man of Steel, Batman v Superman, and Suicide Squad. Hate them. Loathe them. I named Suicide Squad the worst movie of 2016 and would have done the same for Man of Steel had I been doing such lists that year. But there was […]
This being the 9th Planet of the Apes film, I’m continually amazed by the mileage that 20th Century Fox has squeezed out of this concept. However, this is a rare instance when I prefer the reboot series over the original series. Rise of the Planet of the Apes is my favorite of the franchise […]
The person that schedules movies at Garden State Plaza sucks at their job. This was a filler week for me, there was nothing I particularly wanted to see and nothing I felt obligated to see. I just needed to see something. I try to go to showtimes between 7:30 – 8:30, as then I […]
I fucking love these movies. The first Kingsman is one of my favorite movies of the past five years and (along with John Wick) one of the best action movies of the century so far. The mix of a James Bond-like world with extreme violence and raunchy humor is something that could easily delve […]
Wow. I don’t even know where to start with this trainwreck. King Arthur is one of those classic stories (like Robin Hood or Zorro or Tarzan) that Hollywood likes to dust off every decade or so, spend an ungodly amount of money on it and then promptly regret it. There have been many King […]