I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
I was the only person in the theater for this movie. Since I started going to the movies every week in August 2014, this is only the third time that that’s happened (the other two such cases being Tusk and The Disappointments Room). I only first heard of this film last week when I […]
Alright, ladies, let’s just get this out of the way. You’re right. I’ve seen the memes and read the comments and I’m secure enough to admit it: Amber Heard is really fucking hot in this movie. Now, let’s move on to discussing the actual film, you sex-obsessed maniacs. Anyway, I’m still somewhat amazed […]
Upgrade is the offspring of a lot of other movies. It’s primarily a cross between Death Wish and Robocop, but there are elements (either in terms of plot or aesthetics) of Blade Runner, 2001 and Ex Machina. With those kinds of influences, its also a movie that I wanted to like more than I […]
As the old saying goes, you can’t be everything to everyone. Venom was seemingly made to prove this point. This movie is a goddamn mess that tries to throw in something for every conceivable audience and, as a result, it won’t satisfy anybody. Comic fans will be annoyed by the butchering of the source […]
The phrase “so bad it’s good” has become overused and I try to avoid it, but it absolutely applies in this case. Wish Upon is comedic gold. That is somewhat problematic because it’s a horror film, but this thing is just too damn funny. I went into this expecting to hate it because of […]
A Cure for Wellness is Gore Verbinski’s first horror film since The Ring in 2002, and he was apparently so excited by the opportunity that he filmed nearly two horror movies’ worth of material. This movie is long. It is way, way too damn long. This would have been great as a 30-minute episode […]
The original Alien is one of the greatest horror films ever made. Aliens is one of the best sequels ever made. Then they made more movies that ranged from awful to merely forgettable. Alien: Covenant falls into the merely forgettable category. It is not an awful movie. But considering that the idea of Ridley […]
The original Blade Runner is one of the greatest science fiction films ever made. It is a brilliant blend of sci-fi and noir with a style that has been copied countless times since the film was released in 1982. Creating a sequel to it is a monumental task and, frankly, I didn’t have high […]
It’s January and that means it’s time for an awful horror movie. This year’s incarnation of that oddly persistent tradition comes in the form of The Bye Bye Man, a film so nonsensical that even its own writers don’t seem to understand how its villain works. The Bye Bye Man is basically a […]
The Mummy is fucking awful and it pisses me off on several levels. This is the worst kind of cynical, corporate horseshit. I love the old Universal monster movies. Mummies are my favorite variety of classic monsters. Yummy Mummy was even my favorite of the monster cereals. But I can’t for the life of […]