I’m just a guy that loves movies and loves talking about movies. Actually, that’s a lie. I love a lot of movies and really hate a lot of movies. But, either way, I love talking about them. I’ve been writing movie reviews for years and finally decided to share them because this interweb thing really seems to be taking off. I hope you enjoy my reviews and equally hope that you don’t bother me if you don’t.
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: A- Violent Night is one of those concepts that seems so obvious and simple that it’s amazing that it took so long for someone to make it: It’s Die Hard, but what if it was Santa Claus instead of John McClane? Fucking brilliant, right? Why hasn’t anyone done this before? While […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- Bones and All comes to us from director Luca Guadagnino, who I know from his godawful remake of Suspiria in 2018 (I know that film has a lot of fans, but I must respectfully say that you’re all out of your fucking minds). Between those two films, I now have […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: A- I really didn’t know what to expect going into The Menu, so it’s fitting that it shares several things in common with Barbarian from a couple of months ago. First, they are from directors that have primarily been chugging along with television work and have few films to their credit. […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C I seemingly wrote the world’s only negative review of the first Black Panther back in 2018 and I’ve suspected that that review is one of the main reasons why my applications to monetize my website have been denied. Well, I’m still not making any money off of this, so I […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: C While watching Prey for the Devil, I had a constant and nagging feeling that I had seen this movie before. There are two reasons for this. First, I gradually remembered that I had seen trailers for this movie a year ago when it was called The Devil’s Light and scheduled […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D The Rock has been talking about making a Black Adam movie since the late 2000s. Given that amount of time for planning, its kind of amazing how uninteresting the final product is. Black Adam is a failure as both a standalone movie and when considered as an adaptation, but its […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: B- Terrifier 2 is being distributed by Cinedigm Entertainment Group and I would like to take a moment to marvel at the massive set of balls on this company. I don’t know how they did it, but they booked the uncut, NC-17 (officially unrated) version of this movie into 800+ theaters. […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D Back when The Simpsons was funny, which was decades ago at this point, one of my favorite gags was when Grandpa Simpson would tell a story that didn’t go anywhere (“so I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time…..now to take the ferry cost […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: F Rob Zombie, rejoice. Somebody may have finally made a Michael Myers movie as bad as your Halloween II and I didn’t think that was scientifically possible. Halloween Ends is a catastrophic trainwreck of a film. Everything about it is so misguided and ludicrous that I nearly went passed anger and […]
The Doctor’s Diagnosis: D Smile was originally intended to go straight to streaming, but was upgraded to a theatrical release following test screenings with audience scores through the roof. This was apparently a good move because the film has been very well-received and the box office results are huge. I hate being that guy, […]